Overheard

BOY: You remind me of someone. Who do you remind me of?

GIRL 1: That is such a line. You know, lot of people say I look like Jennifer Aniston.

BOY: Yeah! Yeah, maybe it's Aniston... You totally remind me of someone though.

GIRL 2: I get that a lot, too. Jennifer Aniston and Katherine Heigl. I'm like a mix of the two.

BOY: I could kind of see that.

GIRL 1: Sometimes I look like Jessica Alba.

GIRL 2: I think you're more Parker Posey.

GIRL 1: Huh.

GIRL 2: You know what my boss says? She says like I'm like Britney Spears. That is so insulting.

BOY: Yeah, I could see that though.

GIRL 2: You think I look Britney Spears? That's really so insulting.

GIRL 1: No. Well, you're boss is probably like 30. All old people think Britney Spears means like young and cute.

GIRL 2: Still.

BOY: Yeah, maybe Jennifer Aniston. I know you remind me of someone. But who?

GIRL 1: ...

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You get the picture. I bring you this conversation so I may share with you the experience. That is, the feeling of disbelief, trying to guess whether they're all drunk, delusional, or just dim. Maybe I was feeling mean-spirited that night, but I'm positive the boy had been lobotomized and neither of the girls bore any resemblance to Jennifer Aniston. Nor Britney Spears. Nor any combination of the actresses mentioned above. They just rubbed me the wrong way.

Even if I do have drunken jackass nights, at my worst I'm not this embarrassing. Not nearly. It makes me shrivel up inside to think that I may have had listeners-by despairing to tears (just as I had despaired that night), wishing that I would just shut up already, please.