Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Stevarino

He hates being called 'Stevarino.'

Just listen to this, he said, putting his Blackberry on speaker:
"Yo YO, Stevarino! It’s the Kipsterrrr!..."

The voicemail had all the cadences of Richmeister, Rob Schneider’s SNL copy guy; I half hoped the message would end with, “Just makin’ copies…”

Anyway, I was anticipating a buffoon, someone highly amusing. But this grown man who calls himself Kipster—I hated him on sight. Call it anti-charisma.

***

So Miyazawa, you a smoker? No? The Japanese business men I know all smoke. I’m from San Francisco... CALIFORNIA…I’ve done a lot of business with a lot of Japanese. And what I learned is that: #1 they like to eat sushi, #2 they like drink beer, and #3 they like to smoke. They do it in just that order too, sushi, beer, smoke, and repeat. He he he.

So you don’t smoke, hunh? Well, good for you. You’re language is not too bad. Keep working on it. I’ve done a lot of business with the Japanese. And you know, they all learn English in college. I mean their emails are all written out perfectly, but you wouldn’t know it from when the speak. You can’t understand a word they’re saying when they’re on the phone. It’s because they don’t practice speaking like this.

Is it wicked of me to point out that in all of Kipster’s extensive experience doing a lot of business with a lot of Japanese, the only thing he admittedly managed to pick up was the word ‘Dōmo?’

Chump.